


Our History

by apertedevue



Category: Produce 101, Wanna One
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, DANIEL CALLS JIHOON BABY AND BUNNY OH MY GOD WHATS WRONG WITH ME AGAIN, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Living Together, M/M, Mild Angst, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Sexual Tension, Sunbae-Hoobae Relationship, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This wasn't supposed to be rated M whats wrong with me, im so stressed, just kidding, nielwink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 12:38:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apertedevue/pseuds/apertedevue
Summary: Kang Daniel and Park Jihoon are both trainees from the same company. They're given a chance to audition to the survival program, Produce 101 but only Daniel is able to go. Despite this, Jihoon still cheers him on. Months later, Kang Daniel moves on to become Korea's most influential man, slowly forgetting about his infatuation with the younger male. After a few years, Jihoon becomes an actor for his company. The two cross paths again--





	Our History

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in my drafts for the longest time!!! Sorry it becomes rated after a few chapters omg this was supposed to be SFW but every time I update this, it just so happens that I'm nielwink deprived ok
> 
> Anyway!!! First chapter has a shift in POV in the middle hope you don't mind hihi The first half is the present situation and the next part is a sort of flashback. Sorry unedited so the tenses might be a bit ???
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_**1 Daniel** _

 

Daniel's strides were long and confident. He was going to drive a hard bargain-- profits, schedules, shows, activities, he was going to take control of his career or he was going to leave the company. He was about to knock on the company CEO’s door when he overhears the old man talking.

“That pretty boy.” He stops in his tracks, the hand reaching for the knob freezes midway. “You said he’s interested in acting, right?”

“Y-yes.” The other voice sounded familiar.

“I can give him a break, if you want. There are already a lot of offers for him.”

“Really? Jihoon would be so happy! He’s been wanting to debut as an actor for the longest time, President Cho!” The laughter of the older man resounds in the room.

“Yes, and he definitely has potential. I can give you the drama offers sent for him later on.”

“Thank you so much!” Daniel sighs. Of course Jihoon would get those offers. It was only a matter of time before the younger boy, popular although still a trainee, gets the attention he deserves.

“Where do you think you’re going, Manager Kim?”

“Ah—“ The voice wavers. “I was going to inform Jihoon—“ The older male laughs again, but Daniel can hear it laced with something more than that.

“I’m not done with my proposition yet.”

“Proposition?”

“President Han, of Stone Ent, is interested in him.” Daniel freezes.

“Interested? But he’s signed with us.”

“Are you that naïve?”

“I’m not sure I get where this is going, Sir…” 

“A pretty face like that doesn’t come by very often.” Daniel’s eyes widen and if he could see Manager Kim’s face, he too, was probably shell-shocked. Manager Kim, after all, was always so fond of Jihoon, treating him like a younger brother-- son, even. 

“Sir, Jihoon just turned 20.”

“And it’s only a matter of time before he’s dirtied by this industry,” The older man chuckles. “So President Han wants to be the one to do the honors.” A wave of disgust hits Daniel and his head spins. He feels like vomiting. He feels like punching someone so hard they’d be sorry for every talking about Park Jihoon like that. But Daniel doesn’t know what to do, and he can only imagine Manager Kim doesn’t either.

 “Th-that---“ Manager Kim stutters and President Cho sighs.

“Make sure to arrange a meeting soon.”

“I—I will try, President.”

“And make sure the kid doesn’t know anything about it.”

 

_Daniel grips the door knob tightly and slams the door open._

 

\--

 _ **Bunny**_  

 

The first time I met Park Jihoon was three years ago, and I thought he resembled a bunny.  He looked timid and shy but was easily excitable.  His cheeks would puff up whenever he was chewing on some food, and he would adorably hold things with both his hands. When he looked up at me who was taller than him, his eyes—pretty with a depth I couldn’t explain, would focus only on me, reflect only me. From the very first time I saw him, I knew he was someone I would be heavily involved with—which is why I distanced myself at first. But his child-like smiles, his reserved nature, his maturity—everything just drew me in.

Back then, I was also a trainee and was asked to help the new trainees with the basics. I noticed he worked harder than anyone else and easily caught on the choreography so I didn’t feel the need to look after him. It was only on the second week of training that we started getting closer—we were eating chicken together with the other trainees and he had one hand on his phone and another on a chicken drumstick.

“Yah, yah, Jihoon! Stop playing and focus on your food!” He ignores Kwon Hyeop and puts the entire chicken on his mouth, bone included. This causes me to laugh and him to look at me questioningly.

“What are you playing, Jihoon-ah?” I ask and peek over his shoulder. “Oh!!!” I shout excitedly that he pauses the game to stare at me in shock. “I play that too!”

 “Really, hyung?” He turns to me and puts down his phone. Hyeop sighs and hands him a tissue for the chicken bone still in his mouth.

 “Sure, go enable him Daniel hyung.”

 After that, we started gaming together, practicing new routines together. Our dance styles were very different but in my opinion, we matched well together. After a few months, the entire trainees team teased me in showing favoritism to Jihoon. I couldn’t deny it though. He was an adorable and nice kid, he had so many charms that I’d come wondering how loved he would become if he became an idol.

Our time together didn’t last long though. The trainees were called together by both CEO Han, the President of Stone Ent, one of the biggest companies in Korea and CEO Seo, the President of Stone Ent’s sublabel, MMO. We were asked to compete for limited slots to become trainees for a popular survival show, produce 101. I looked at Jihoon hurriedly and met his eyes, we both grinned at each other. I had a feeling we would both make it.

 

_**Circumstances** _

We didn’t. Jihoon sustained a knee injury the week before the audition and was forced to forfeit his slot. Only three of us were allowed to participate and I was in a depressed mood because I slowly felt like my chances of standing on the same stage with Jihoon were slim. I didn’t know when I started thinking about how great it would be if we debuted together, but I didn’t see myself in a group without him anymore. The fact that I was going to compete on a survival program without him made me rethink if I should still continue with the show—I saw my future in a group with Jihoon—and I was resolute.

 Jihoon had approached me the day before the shooting of the program with a smile on his face. This time, his injury was almost fully healed.

 “Hyung,” He looks up at me with a grin on his face. “Good luck tomorrow.”

 I smile at him and pat his hair down. “Jihoon-ah—“

 

His smile falters, as if knowing what I was going to say, “I’d like to debut with you.” He says silently. “But I don’t want you to waste your opportunity just because of me.” He grips the sleeves of my jacket and looks down. “I’m okay, hyung. Besides, I’ve only been a trainee for 6 months and to be honest, I want to be an actor.”

I didn’t know how to react. Because really? After all those months spent practicing and crying alone—wondering when he’d debut, he’s telling me it’s fine? A bitter feeling was rising up my chest and my palm found its way to gently caress his cheek.

 “I want to debut with you.” I say as I look into his eyes. He nods and comes in to embrace me. I rest my head on the top of his head and envelop his smaller frame with my arms.

 “I’ll wait for you. If you debut through Produce 101, then I’ll keep practicing hard. And after your contract, I’ll be here, ready to debut with you.” 

 I groan at that. “Ahh, I suddenly want to fail.” He puts a small distance between us and an adorable pout adorns his face.

“Don’t you dare mess up! You have to do well. I’ve been bragging about you to my friends you know? I don’t want the hyung I look up to to lose to anyone there!” He pouts and I’m reminded again of how cute he is.

 I laugh. “You brag about me?” I tease him and his ears turn red. “What do you say? That you have such a handsome hyung in the company?” I pinch his cheeks. I expect him to slap my hand away and say something sassy but his hand finds its way to hold mine and he leans in to my palm. “Cute bunny.” I tease.

 “That’s because you’re cool…” He admits shyly and I feel myself turning red at the confession.

 _I brag about you to my friends too._ I want to say but I fear I won’t be able to say why or explain why my heart is beating so fast.

 “Please hyung, please do well. I want to see you stand on stage, at the very center.”

 I laugh at that. “It’s a miracle if I’ll get even past the first round of voting.”

 “I’ll vote for you everyday.” He puts his fists up and makes a determined face and suddenly, I feel like I have a shot at actually winning.

 That day, I went home with a determined mind and a heart that finally settled on one Park Jihoon. 

 

\---

 ** _Produce_**  

 

The first few days have been hard. It was difficult to get enough screen time and I kept getting edited out. When I was given the B rank, Jihoon had texted, saying how pissed off he was and how I deserved an A, saying how I had the best audition when I knew for a fact that I didn’t. Honestly, his words were enough to console me and last me through the week. The days we spent texting started becoming lesser. The program grew strict because of multiple controversies regarding fans and the trainees, but Jihoon kept sending messages—telling me there’s no need to reply if I cant and that he’s asking his entire class to vote for me. I smile at that and send him another text.

 “Yah, you’re texting your girlfriend?” I also became close to a hyung one year older than me and I mentioned this to Jihoon in a previous message. “Is she pretty?”

 “Seongwoo hyung!” I roll my eyes. “Don’t look at other people’s phones!”

 “Aha! So it is a girlfriend! Daniel, you better be careful. You’ve been texting at the same time every day with a smile on your face. Sometimes, it’s creeping me out.”

 “You noticing such things is creeping me out.” I reply. “And no, it’s not a girlfriend.”

 “Then a flirting buddy?”

  _“A what?”_

“I don’t know? Someone you flirt with?”

 “No—“ I sigh. “It’s a hoobae from the company. I told you guys about him.” Minhyun hyung walks over and listens in.

 “Oh, the one who couldn’t go on the program because of his knee injury?” Minhyun asks and I frown.

 “Yeah. I still get pissed everytime I remember it. I swear, if he were here he’d probably place first for a long time.” I sip from my juice box after my rant and

 Seongwoo hyung gives me a weird look. “So is he pretty?” He asks and I choke on my juice.

 “What?”

 “Well, is he pretty?” He asks again and Minhyun shakes his head.

 I nod unsurely. “Y-yeah, I guess. He’s got really big and pretty eyes, and cute fluffy cheeks, like a bunny—“ Seongwoo hyung swipes my phone from my hand. “HYUNG!”

 “Geez, how many selcas do you take, Daniel? I can’t find a picture of another person here.” He complains and I swipe my phone away, locking it.

 “What do you even wanna see?”

 “I wanna see your hoobae!” I sigh and click on the side of my phone to show my lock screen.

 “Here.” I say as I lift it up to his face. “This is Jihoonie.”

 “Damn.” Seongwoo hyung mutters and Minhyun comes in to peek at the photo. For some reason, I feel like I’m being judged. There’s nothing to fear anyway, Jihoon looks really pretty and cute in that photo—“He’s really pretty. No wonder you’re so in love.”

 “Yea—“ I pause, my eyes wide at what Seongwoo hyung just said. “I’m not in love with him!”

 He slings an arm around me. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re really whipped for this kid, Kang Daniel.” I look at Minhyun hyung for help.

 “Well…” He answers hesitantly, “I mean, you do have his photo as your lock screen—

 “I’m also in it!”

 “Yeah, the two of you, holding dogs—with bunny filters…” Minhyun smiles at me. “It’s cute, Daniel.”

 “I’m not in love with him!” I argue.

 “It’s okay, Daniel. He’s really good looking, and from your stories, he seems to be a really nice kid.” Minhyun hyung assures me but I cant wrap my head around it.

 “Well, he might not actually be really pretty there, it might probably be just the filter.” I bristle at this comment, open my phone, and click on a folder quickly to show him an unfiltered photo of Jihoon. Seongwoo hyung whistles.

 “Wow, you’ve got a folder just for his photos too?” He swipes at the pictures. It was my downloads folder so of course I’d have photos of Jihoon there. I need his photos for when I show my friends my adorable bunny—my dongsaeng. The photos he sends and I take on kkt and instagram also get saved automatically there-- “How old is he? Should I report you to the authorities?”

 “He’s eighteen!” Just then my phone buzzes to show that I’ve received a message.

 “Oh, must be Jihoonie—“ Seongwoo gives my phone back and I take it quickly and storm out of the dorm room and into the shared bathroom.

 I take a breath before reading the message. ‘Hyung, today, I ate chicken at our favorite restaurant. I’m reminded of the time the soda went up your nose because you were laughing a lot. I miss you  and I hope you do well there! Today too, you’re my 1 pick!’  He ends with a number one sticker and causes me to grin from ear to ear.

 “Daniel, please stop doing whatever shady business youre doing there. I need to pee!” Seongwoo exclaims and I sigh as I type in a quick reply to Jihoon, ignoring the way my face heats up when Seongwoo asks, “What type of selca did Jihoon send that you lock yourself up here?”

 The conversation with Seongwoo and Minhyun gets forgotten as the weeks roll by. Jihoon still sends screenshots of him voting for me and updates him of his school stories, but sometimes, I forget to reply due to exhaustion. The nights have become nights spent solely for practicing and sleeping. My voice has become hoarse due to multiple recordings and retakes and my mind mentally exhausted from all the drama and media play.

\---

_**Finale** _

 

After a few weeks time, I find myself standing in the middle of the huge hall for the final episode and as I look to the side and I see Lee Daehwi there—a young trainee with a lot of potential as well. He was never outside the top 12 the entire season. I briefly smile at him and can’t help but imagine what it would be like to have Jihoon standing there instead of him, experiencing the same things and emotions I’m feeling—fear, anxiety, joy and excitement. I scan the crowd and see my mom with a slogan made for him by a fan. I chuckle. Just a few months ago, I was a nobody—someone ready to escape from Korea and find a job in the States. Now, I’m here, vying for the top spot in Produce 101. Mom is already crying and it takes me a lot of effort not to cry. I don’t know why I scan the crowd desperately, squinting to see if Jihoon had come—most probably not—it was exam season then and I didn’t tell him to come and support. He had studied so hard and needed all the time he has to do well on his exams. I give up and close my eyes from nervousness. Just then, I hear a familiar voice shout my name. Through the multiple screams and shouts—it’s a miracle that I hear Park Jihoon’s voice. I haven’t seen him nor talked to him in days and so maybe this is just me desperately wanting to see him—or hear him. Still, I whip my head around to find him—desperately, yearningly. Something bubbles up in my chest when I spot a familiar head of brown hair bouncing up and down, holding a Kang Daniel slogan. I grin when I spot him—it’s Park Jihoon, my adorable bunny. I wave at him and multiple fans scream and raise their hands in excitement and Jihoon laughs—his pretty eyes crinkling in amusement. He lifts his hand to cover his mouth shyly. Jihoon waves at me and laughs—the sound not audible enough but I know it by heart and that’s all I hear before BOA says the words that would come change my life completely,

**“Produce 101’s Center and the trainee with the most votes—MMO’s Kang Daniel!”**

I see tears well up in Jihoon’s eyes and the way my mother hugs him as she too, cries. I cry because of them too.

 

\--

_**Debut** _

By now, I have gotten used to the multiple screams and cheers from the fans, the blinding lights from the cameras, and the endless schedules that we have to attend.  It’s been a year since Produce 101 had ended and the group the 10 trainees have come to promote under, Wanna One, has been one of the most successful rookies to date. It’s been an intense ride ever since.

Stone Ent took over the management of Wanna One and with the strictness of it, I rarely keep in touch with my friends. I’ve been forced to change my number and phone multiple times due to hackers and sasaengs, I’ve been kept safe by bodyguards to the point that I cant go anywhere public without them.

 Seongwoo hyung comes up to me randomly in one of the rare moments we get to have a break.

 “Niel, you’re playing?”

 “Yeah, it’s been a long time, hyung.” He comes closer to view my computer screen.

 “BestSupport94? Private111?” He reads out loud. “Huh.”

 “What?”

 “The names suck.”

 “I know.” I snort. “But they’re good at playing, so I don’t have anything to say about it.”

 “Ah, well, I thought Jihoon would have a cuter username.”

“Huh?” I pause the game and stare at him. The name sends a pang in my chest and I can't explain it.

 “You know, something like bunny529, jeojangboy, jijiji0529, NielHyungisthebest, Niel’s Baby or some cheesy shit like that.” He’s grinning but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. 

“Why—“ 

“Well, he’s pretty cute on his instagram, so I thought that’s probably what he’d put.”

“He has an insta?”

“Just because you deleted yours doesn’t mean he deleted his too—“ He chuckled.

“Anyway, who is he here?” he asks as he scans the names of my team mates.

“No one… These are strangers.”

“Ah, he must be busy, huh? College and all that--” Why does Seongwoo hyung know Jihoon’s already in college—“He posted it on his insta too. He was at a welcoming ceremony just last week.” He frowns. “Geez, Niel, aren’t you really close to Jihoon? Shouldn’t you be the one updated with whatever he has on? What’s wrong with you?” Seongwoo hyung chuckles, not knowing how true his words are and how much they’ve affected me. They’ve only met that one time after the finale, talked for around 10 minutes, and suddenly, Seongwoo is more up to date than I am?

 

I end the game prematurely as soon as he left the room. I open my phone to check out the latest message from Jihoon—only to find that there’s no thread of our conversations. The company had provided me with a new phone and number and I didn’t bother to copy them all in my haste to go about my schedules. I log onto my fake instagram account and type up Jihoon’s instagram. Thankfully it’s still the same.

I play his stories and find that he was in the library 4 hours ago. Uni, yeah, last time we talked, Jihoon said he had gone to his entrance exam to ChungAn university. Did he get accepted?

Pride and relief washes over me when I see Jihoon wearing a letterman jacket for his school’s 100th year anniversary and shaking hands with the Dean.  He dyed his hair black again, it looked pretty on him. What was his course again?

How had it come to this? Time flew by so fast. Our messages had become intermittent and the replies have gotten shorter to the point that I haven’t responded to anything anymore. Jihoon probably didn’t even have my number, so how could he reach me? An ugly feeling was settling at the pit of my stomach and I grew restless. I don’t even know who sent the last message anymore. Our friendship blossomed so fast—did it fizzle out as quickly as well? I sincerely hope not. One though screams at the back of my head, _I want to see Jihoon._

 

\--

_**MMO** _

I take my coat , my cap and my mask and decide to head down to MMO. I follow his instagram and view the photos he uploaded. I gasp at how beautiful the shots of him are. My bunny has really bloomed so well. Anticipation and anxiety both build up in me at the prospect of finally seeing Jihoon again. _Surely, not much has changed, right?_  

I enter the building and get stopped by the guards. I take of my mask and they immediately bow to me. Heading up to the trainee practice rooms, I get greeted by the shocked faces of the staff and trainees. Even though they’re surrounding me, my heart won’t stop pounding and I feel my hands grow sweaty at the prospect of meeting Jihoon again.

“Daniel hyung?” I hear an unsure tone in the midst of the shocked whispers. I turn around and come face to face with a familiar face.

 “Hyeop.” He gives me a tight smile and bows to me. “What are you doing?”

 “Well, you’re THE Kang Daniel now, you know. Got to give you some respect.” He smiles. “What are you doing here?”

 “I came--” _Impulsively, to visit Jihoon_. “--to say hi to the staff and trainees. It’s been a long time.” He seems to accept whatever I just said and allows himself to give me a quick tap on the shoulder as we walk side by side to the training rooms.

“We missed you, hyung. It’s been tough without you. We thought you forgot about us.” He jokes but somehow, I can feel that he actually thinks this way.

 “How can I?” I say, although I feel guilty inside. “You’re like brothers to me.”

 He snorts. “Tell that to Jihoonie.”

 I freeze in my steps. “Why? Is Jihoon mad?”

 “Why would he be mad? At most, he probably stopped texting you cause he thinks he’s being a burden.”

 “Knowing him, he’ll probably think that way, won’t he?” I ask, more to myself than to Hyeop but the latter nods.

 “Are you here for him?” He takes a sharp look at me and sighs. “Of course you are. Why else would you visit our shitty company?” He shakes his head and I move to refute the statement but he dismisses me. “Forget it. Follow me.”

Hyeop leads me away from the practice rooms and into another floor.

 I stare at him questioningly. “What?” he raises his brows.

“Why are we headed towards the 3rd floor?” The 5th floor was for the idol trainees and the 3rd floor was for the—

“Didn’t Jihoon tell you? He’s training to become an actor.”

 

\--

 _ **Hello**_  

I watch with Hyeop outside the room as Jihoon rehearses his lines with other actors. His back is facing us so I can only see the others he’s interacting with. Some older than him, some are probably around his age. One holds him by the arm roughly and I grip the door handle to open it. 

“Hyung.” Hyeop grips my arm. “It’s just rehearsals. Relax, geez.” I nod and give him an apologetic smile. “See that other guy?” He asks and I nod when I trace where his fingers are pointing at—a particularly boyish guy who’s just staring up at Jihoon and the other actors. “That’s Younghoon. He’s my age.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

 “He’s in love with Jihoon too.”

 

**I choke on my own spit.**

 

“Ahaha, you mean—in the script or—“ I feel my heart sink when Hyeop gives me a look. “Oh. Wow. Wait, what do you mean too?” I cross my arms.

 “He’s been training as an actor longer than Jihoon has been, so he’s been really helpful to Hoon.” He ignores my last question.

 “I see.”

 “It annoys you, right?”

 “What?” I whip my head to face Hyeop and he’s grinning at me.

 “That’s what you get for not responding to Jihoon—for ignoring him just because you’ve debuted.”

 “I—I didn’t mean not to—“

 “Yeah well, no use explaining to me. It’s your cute dongsaeng that’s been really taking it against you.” He laughs and squeezes my shoulder. “Good luck, hyung. I’ll be going back to the practice room. See you later.”

 --

 I wait outside for a couple more minutes before the actors head out for break. My eyes are on Jihoon but he’s talking to Younghoon.

 “K-Kang Daniel sunbae?” Younghoon’s eyes widen when he sees me and I smile at him before settling my eyes on the boy beside him again.

 Jihoon stills. His eyes quickly glance up at me before settling on Younghoon. “Hello.” I respond but my eyes never leave Jihoon. Even with all the sweat and stress from the practice, he still manages to just glow.

 “Hi, Jihoonie.” I say simply but it takes a lot of courage to start it. He doesn’t respond and I’m not surprised. I probably deserve it too.

 “Jihoonie.” The other male senses the tension and looks at me then at Jihoon. He rubs Jihoon’s shoulders comfortingly and I try not to roll my eyes.

 “Hello, sunbae.” Jihoon manages to say and I take a step forward but he turns to Younghoon. “Hyung, let’s go to the cafeteria. I’m really hungry.”

 “Park Jihoon.” I raise my brows

  Younghoon clears his throat. “Ahh, looks like you both need to catch up?” I look at him with a smile and nod.

 “Thank you.” Jihoon watches as Younghoon leaves and then sighs as he tries to return to the practice room.

 “Hey,” I catch up to him and hold his arm. “What’s with you?”

 “What do you mean, _sunbaenim_?”

  _“Sunbaenim?_ You brat, don’t you dare call me that!” I was trying to say it in a joking manner but he still flinches.

 His eyes are cast down. Since when did he stop looking at me so directly? It frustrates me. “Jihoonie.”

 He stays silent and I tsk as I take a step closer. “Park Jihoon.” He still refuses to look at me. I take another step closer and he takes a step back. “Jihoon.” _Please, please look at me._

 It seems like he heard my plea and focuses his gaze at me. I feel my breath get knocked out of my lungs—god, the pretty, clear eyes still get me everytime. “Then what do I call you?” He asks.

 I sigh. I can feel myself getting frustrated over how hesitant he’s being. “Call me whatever you want.” He’s silent for a few seconds and I nudge him. “Hey?”

 “Fine. I want to call you _sunbaenim_.” He quickly answers and shows a small smile at my frustrated face. “What do you want me to call you?” He asks, a hint of a smile on his lips.

 “What about hyung?” 

“Okay.” He licks his lips. “Niel hyung.”  I smile at him and pull him in for a hug.

 “I missed you so much, Jihoon-ah.” I whisper in his ear, it doesn’t matter that he hears how fast my heart is beating, all that matters is that I can embrace him tightly again. His hands grip my shirt from my back and I nuzzle into his neck further.

 “Me too.” My bunny replies and I revel in his warmth. “I missed you too, hyung.”

 --

 Despite my best efforts to stay in touch, Jihoon barely replies to me. When I would ask about his day or how he is, he would reply with a simple “I’m fine.” And would often not follow it up, He would say he’s busy with training and school, and while I know that I’m the one exerting more effort to keep our relationship close, I also know I don’t have any right over him, I don’t have any right to demand his time. Before I knew it, our conversations and messages have fizzled out, our interactions limited to the rare times I ever get to visit MMO, and soon enough, I don’t see him at all. Before I knew it, despite the uneasiness in my heart, the both of us have stopped trying. However, despite telling myself that I’m fine with it, the frustration and bitterness in me still won’t go away and I find myself checking in on him every so often.

 

\------

**2 Jihoon**

  

It was a relief to know he hadn’t forgotten about me. Kang Daniel, the person I looked up to the most, won Produce 101, and even after a year of almost no communication whatsoever, he came to see me.  I didn’t know what to expect from Daniel hyung. We had a close sunbae-hoobae relationship and we both said we wanted to debut together, but knowing how far he’s gone now, sometimes, I think I don’t deserve to even have him as my _hyung_. In that one year that he’s debuted, I’ve seen how so many people have wanted to use him—his name, his family, his past, for their own gain. I know it must be hard for him, yet he still continues to smile brightly.  With this in mind, I deliberately avoided all contact with him in that one year. I suppose he didn’t have time either, since he never replied to any of my messages anymore. In that one year, I focused on myself—did all that I could to build on my weaknesses and forget about how disheartened I was when I couldn’t make into the program. Not that I would have made it into Wanna One if I had, but maybe the idol route isn’t for me? For a while, I was convinced I didn’t miss Daniel _hyung._ For a while, all I could think about was my training and making myself better. But then, he suddenly came back.

When he came back randomly to MMO, everybody was in a frenzy. Even the actor trainees I was rehearsing with. Hyeop had barged into the room with him in tow and my heart almost stopped. He had grown more handsome. It amazed me how despite him being so high up already, he still demanded to see me—talk to me. Maybe Daniel _hyung_ hadn’t really changed?

Despite wanting to stay close to him, I also know that I have my limits. And I know I am limited to Kang Daniel’s past. I chose to stay there. Trainees often gossip and talk amongst themselves about the plans the company has in store for them, this included Kang Daniel. So I knew that Daniel hyung was out of my league now. He’s Korea’s it boy—the most powerful and influential man in Korea. Even just walking down the streets, you’d see his face everywhere. He gets mentioned at least thrice a day on National TV. That’s how insanely big he is, so debuting with nobodies was out of the question. Admittedly, I didn’t even want to bother trying. I even gained an advantage during a CF audition and clinched it because the company I came from is the same as Kang Daniel’s. I’ve had a small following since then, but I have to keep myself in check. I am nowhere near Daniel _hyung_. So when one of the company managers asked if I’m interested in acting, I agreed. After all, that was what I originally did, and even though my feet became swollen from too much dancing and practice, and my throat sore from trying to reach notes I was forced to reach, I’ll give up this dream of becoming an idol. What made me more determined to cut ties with Daniel _hyung_ was when one day, I was set aside by the actor’s manager and the idol trainees’ manager. They showed me a leaked photo of me and Daniel hyung embracing. I didn’t know what the big deal was, really, but they said I should refrain from being associated with him any further—for now. I shouldn’t be branded as someone who only got famous because of Daniel _hyung_ , and he also shouldn’t be caught up in weird rumors. I didn’t understand what was so weird about a photo of us hugging, but I agreed, nonetheless. Maybe things were better off this way.

The next time I came face to face with Kang Daniel was 2 years after Wanna One had disbanded and it was on a project we were to work on together.  He had already left our company then but this did nothing to his reputation and image. He’s still Korea’s most influential Kang Daniel and evidently, he was to play the male lead and I was to play a supporting role. As someone who had played roles in a handful of movies and dramas, I auditioned to become the male lead, but a month before shooting was supposed to start, I was suddenly informed that Kang Daniel had auditioned and been chosen for the part as well. I didn’t feel any bitterness. Hyung had also acted in a couple of dramas as male lead before and I know that he would do better than me, at least, a lot of people would also watch the show and maybe from there, I can get to prove myself too.

The script reading would start in a week and though I’m wary of meeting Daniel _hyung,_ I have to steel and brace myself the day I meet him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!! Will post the next chapter this Thursday/Friday <3 Your comments are highly appreciated! THE PINING DOES NOT END HERE UWU


End file.
